Beautifully Hideous

By Stacy Hildebrand

And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. Romans 7:18-19 NLT

The Gungor song “Beautiful Things” remains one of my favorite worship songs.  It is unapologetic in its message that God’s hand is in all things beautiful, and that nothing with beauty exists except where He has acted. 

All this pain..
I wonder if I'll ever find my way.
I wonder if my life could really change, at all.
All this earth..
Could all that is lost ever be found?
Could a garden come up from this ground, at all?

I love that.  I’m not a person who looks into the mirror and generally comes away feeling enthralled by what I’ve just seen.  God clearly wants us to trust him to make us a “new creation”.  He wants it to be apparent to us that we are not the architects of our own accomplishments, nor can we insinuate ourselves into what He has planned for us – save where we are invited by Him.

Of course, the problem with this theology is that there will always be those who take from it that we are free to do whatever we want, whenever we want, wherever we want, with whomever we want.  God does the good, so the bad doesn’t matter.  Paul attacks this energetically in Romans chapter 6.  The fact is, anyone who would even say something like that has totally missed God.

But let’s back up for just a moment and explore the true nature of humanity.

I’m something of a cynic.  That’s bad.  I know that it is.  I’m working on it.  But suffice it to say, I don’t have a lot of confidence in the "good" of mankind.  I see so much evil and sorrow around me, some of which I am the author.  It seems like every glimmer of good that comes from man is tainted by a self-serving motive, sometimes expressed, often hidden.  Try as we may, we can’t get US out of the way in our actions.  It is the hideousness of humanity.  Joe does something nice for Jim, not because he’s good for the sake of good, but because he sees some benefit for himself.  Yes, there is always a good-will intent involved as well, but often it can seem very much secondary.  Hideous.  I am my own case study.  I find that even when I long to do something good and kind for someone else that I’m never fully able to divorce myself from my ego or my self-seeking desires.

That’s where I get to read from Romans chapter 8 that our God does not leave us in this sad condition.

Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus, because the Spirit’s law of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 8:1-2 HCSB

God takes that which would be hideous on its own and makes something beautiful.  

So what does that make me?  What does that make you?  Well, I wish I could say that knowing what God is doing makes me feel appealing and attractive.  However, I still see all my ugliness.  I still see the unworthiness.  It’s one of the great mysteries of this life that we, as Christ-followers, are called to be beautifully hideous.  We are called to surrender to God for His good and mighty work and at the same time acknowledge our fallen-NESS.  It is part of our witness.  Not to embrace our brokenness, but to admit it is still there and unfortunately has influence over our daily decisions.  However, our eternal destiny is controlled by One who is undeterred by our screw-ups.  Those things are small.  They are but flies that God easily swats away.  

What does your witness say today to those who are watching?  It is undoubtedly a confusing story of faithfulness and apostasy.  Maybe we should all take a moment in the midst of our apologies to the world who would call us hypocrites to explain why we are that way, AND why we are still able to hold our heads up at the end of every painful self-evaluation.

Our God makes beautiful things out of the dust of our own hideousness every day!  He specializes in it.

Father, You are good and I am not.  But I pray that You will not allow this knowledge to become an excuse for not living a life of obedient surrender. I pray that You will draw me into closer union with Your will.  I want to go where You go, and do the things that You have designed.  I want to be beautiful to You and to the world that should increasingly see You instead of me when they glance my direction.  Thank You for working on me.  In my Savior’s name I pray, Amen.